There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How does one acquire holy water?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
