I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i drank out of a bidet.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
