She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
