Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
