OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
