Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
