Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
