either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
