My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
