I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Someone signed my nipple.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
