Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
