it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
