I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
