you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
