nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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