Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
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