You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
