did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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