just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
