If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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