6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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