I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My ass is underappreciated
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.