you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit