I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dating After Heartbreak
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.