He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.