when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize