Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
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It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
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I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex