i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug