he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
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