im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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