im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
