can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
