I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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