hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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