How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
