I love black thongs
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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