The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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