Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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