we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
