I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
