that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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