Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
