my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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