i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
