I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Can Purell be used as lube?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
