i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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