if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
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The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
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Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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