i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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