I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
