Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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