tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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