I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
