: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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