apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
