Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ladies don't puke and tell
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
