maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
