look no pants
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
