grandma shit on top of the toilet
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
