Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
