It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
