News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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