it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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