Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
