Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
