Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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