Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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