i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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