omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
