If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
